Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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