how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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