Just mADE A PArabola og urine
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
