I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
