glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
