Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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