the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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