well I can't set my house on fire every night
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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