I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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