i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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