Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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