Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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