I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
