we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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