Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Randomize
