One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
