obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize