how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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