wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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