She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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