..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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