There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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