I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I need to align my fucking chakras
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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