What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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