I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize