You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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