so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
