My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me + whiskey = a bad person
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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