Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
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some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
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A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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