There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
