Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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