As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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