New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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