no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
