Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
