i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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