lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
