I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
