I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
