I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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