Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize