I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
