I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
