Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
