Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
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did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
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I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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