I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
