So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
