Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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