I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
