Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
