Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
