I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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