you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
