I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have a pirate flag
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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