Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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