you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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