your room smells of hookers.
And success
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
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