If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
ttyl tear gas
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Two words: blizzard sex
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
