I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
