Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
