I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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