dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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