Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So apparently I’m into choking now
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