Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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