dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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